Possibility Syndrome

Photo by bruce mars on Unsplash

High achieving leaders never cease to amaze me. They create breathtaking results, yet sneak through life feeling like imposters. Their fear of being exposed as a fraud drives them mercilessly, or paralyzes them utterly. Either way, imposter syndrome takes all the fun out of achieving goals.

I remember waiting to give a leadership training to a national organization. I felt nauseated. I had spent nearly four weeks in preparation, essentially driving my contract rate down to 50 cents per hour. I confided in a fellow presenter how I was feeling. She passed me a note asking me, “What normally happens when you feel like this before an important training?” I thought for a moment and wrote, “I kill it.”

I facilitated the training, and I killed it. Given the amount of preparation, this should not be a surprise. I experienced exactly 30 minutes of relief before the exhausting voice arose in my head: "What am I going to do when they see that the second training is nowhere near as good as the first?"

Is That Fear your Friend?

The pattern broke for me when I learned that my brilliant, driven, academically successful daughter was rushing to the bathroom between classes to cry in a bathroom stall. She was certain that a low grade would derail opportunities to get into a good college and cause her friends to look at her differently.

I listened to her – giving her space to express her fears. I then asked her, “Is the fear that you are feeling your friend?” She looked at me with a confused expression. I asked in a different way, “What if that fear is actually your friend, how does it support you?” She thought about it, and said, “It helps me to stay disciplined.”

I said, “Great! Now, imagine that the fear is your friend. What does your friend need from you?” She thought for a while and answered, “I think she needs me to stop telling her that she’s going to fail and lose friends and never get into a good college.” My daughter is very wise.

I made a decision at that moment to be a better friend to myself and trust that my successes are not accidents. They are the product of hard work, preparation, and past experience. I also reminded myself that my greatest assets are the mistakes I’ve made, and I finally gave myself permission to fail without shame.

What Becomes Possible When Your Drop the Imposter Syndrome?

My wife tells me that I do everything to the D-Degree, whether it be passing a bill, training for a triathlon, or teaching a class. In all of them, I climb through seasons of gradual improvement and occasional injury. There really isn't any other way to climb. When you think of it that way, you realize how much fun it is to climb to your own Degree.