Navigating Through the Minefield: Trauma-Informed Leadership
Photo by Breana Panaguiton on Unsplash
Someone asked me to better define what I mean by “trauma-informed leadership.”
She encouraged me to look back to the time before prison when the downward spiral was gaining speed. It was the time when work had become a living nightmare. The workplace was where I found my sense of value and worth, and it was also the place where not meeting expectations confirmed my sense of worthlessness. For me, the workplace was where past trauma was most likely to show up. It was a minefield.
Trauma can come from many different sources. It doesn’t matter whether the experience(s) was severe or mild in the minds of others. There is no such thing as a traumatic olympics. It is simply an experience or a multitude of experiences that overwhelm your ability to cope, shattering your view of the world, others, and yourself.
Two people can have the same traumatic event(s) but only one experience lasting trauma - with symptoms and triggers throughout their lives. It doesn’t mean that one is more resilient than the other. It simply means that what was needed to help the person process the traumatic experience was not there for them; so they needed to create new coping mechanisms - some of them quite destructive. The world becomes a minefield.
For me, I assumed that I was worth-less than others, so I had to find a way to confirm my sense of worth. I eventually found it in academic and professional success. When I found it, I’d work long hours, aggrandizing my accomplishments, and relishing praise. But that was never enough. The most terrifying part of success for me was the realization that I’d have to repeat it. I just knew that I would eventually let “them” down, and thereby confirm what I already knew about myself. I went through a multi-year spree of different jobs, where I’d succeed, then self-sabotage, then quit.
At my lowest point before the mental break, I was so terrified of failing and succeeding that I’d have to take work calls outside of my office, removing my incompetence out of earshot. I was fired from that job, and I finally descended into a living nightmare.
The secret I never told anyone until now is that prison felt like a reprieve from having to prove myself to anyone. I now know there are much better routes to trauma-recovery, but, in prison, I was able to put the burden down. I had already destroyed my career, family, reputation, and future. Aside from my own life, there wasn’t much more I had to lose. Instead, I made a decision to just serve without any expectation of reward.
This changed everything for me. When I was released, employment was just a way to put distance between me and prison. I didn’t have to take it so seriously. Even in my job working to end mass incarceration, the monumental task of moving legislation through committee was navigable. I’d simply wake up on Monday morning and tell the universe: “I may not have what it takes this week to accomplish what I need to accomplish, so could you please fill in the gaps?”
I learned how to succeed and to fail. No matter how devastating the failure, at least I was alive and free.
I wanted to share this gift with the world, so I set out to create a workplace where people could succeed and fail without taking either too seriously. I learned that there are indeed ways to create a working environment informed by trauma and free from shame.
I offered people challenges playfully. I’d ask, “Do you choose to accept this mission?” They’d laugh and say “Yes”!
I modeled success and failure, and I used my failures as stories to help people find more effective pathways.
People with unresolved trauma are terrified by the term “self directed”, so I became a coach, trusting them until they trusted themselves.
I found every opportunity to notice the qualities I admire about people and to tell them what I see.
My mantra became: “The time you spend investing in others is the best use of your time.”
There are ways to create a trauma-informed workplace. Reach out to me to learn more!
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